On a typical Buena Vista Park morning I was sitting on my front steps waking up and watching the people jogging, skate boarding, roller skating, eating breakfast sandwiches on a bench. Yup, I love California, I thought to myself. My name is Snorgwatz and I am the superindendant of the houe next door. One of the tenants said that she had overheard some of my tenants talking about Mr Figgleflop and how he was always just staying inside and reading his paper and mumbling a lot to himself. Nothing strange about that thought Snorgwatz to himself. But I think I will watch Figgleplop and see for myself if he is doing something worth causing the other tenants to talk about him. Old Figgleplop was a quiet sort that kept mostly to himself. At night in the summer he would leave his front window open and he could hear Figgle listening to his radio and still muttering. Then one early evening he saw Figgie haul out a blueprint and a small box of some kind of parts. This kind of caught me by surprise because I never heard or saw him doing anything but reading his usual newspaper and muttering before said old Snorgwatz to himself, just the radio and the turning of the pages of his newspaper. He just knew that this particular tenant was definately up to no good.
Figgie called a cab and left so Snorgmeister just went on with his usual chores unable to get Figgie out of his mind. When it was time for lunch Mr. Snorgwatz took his food to the window so he could keep an eye on Figgleplop while he ate. He was so curious that he kept drooling and dropping his lunch in his lap. Just then a taxi pulled up and out stepped Figgie. The cab driver opened up the trunk and pulled out a medium sized box with a piece of what looked like a big black tube. That was the straw that broke Snorgwatz's resistance and he just had to go and ask Figgie if he could help, just to learn what was going on so he could catch Figgie at his evil doings and call a cop to take him away. He walked up to Figgie and asked him what he was building. Well old Figgie was dying for someone to ask him so he could get a second opinion on his work. In his shy way he asked Snorgwatz a question that caught Snorgster totally by surprise. His question was, If I could light the root cellar way down in the ground using only the parts contained in the box he was carrying, and a car battery? Snorgwatz thought for a while and asked if it was going to cost the owner of the building any money, and would he do any damage to the property? When he said no, Snorgwatz said I don't think it can be done, but ok, go ahead and build your contraption.
Now Snorgwatz was chuckling softly on the way back to his apartment and decided that Figgie was just some kind of kook, and dismissed him from his mind.
As soon as Figgie started making noise, Snorgmeister just had to look out his window to see what was afoot. The first thing he noticed was that Figgie had a big bag of French Fries and some tools. Snorgie said to himself, that crazy guy must be planning to spend the whole day down in the root cellar working because he brought home fries to eat so he didn't have to stop working for lunch.
Since he couldn,t see anything, Snorgie went off to do his chores but now he was doing all of the muttering. Before he started working he couldn't resist the urge to look into Figgies window one more time. What he saw convinced him even more that he had an evil monster for a tenant. He was taking a bunch of small stuff out of the box, putting it together, and had on a huge smirk like he was keeping some deep dark secret. Now Figgie put a piece of the black tubing, with whatever he had just built into the stove pipe and mounted it atop the root cellar door frame and into the stove pipe he placed what ever evil device he was building and somehow he hooked the big black tubing to his secret device and then replaced the shiny bonned he had put atop the tube. Now Figgie took the other end of the tubing and his battery and disappeared down the black hole which was the root cellar.
About sundown Figgie came out of the root cellar with a look on his face like he had just discovered light. Snorgwatz knew that something had happened and he just had to ask Figgie how it was coming along.
Figgie said it was all done,. and as soon as he had filed the paperwork to protect his invention he would be happy to show it to Sorgwatz as he munched his Fries. Snorgie asked himself how Figgie could possibly light the depths of the root cellar using a few small parts and some Fries. He decided that it just wasn't possible and went upstairs to eat.
After a year had gone by and Snorgie had forgotten all about Figgie and his nutty invention. He hadn't seen any light shining through the cellar door so he figured that the whole idea had turned out to work like a rusty wristwatch.
Just then Figgie came up to him looking like his boss had just given him the company and said, well the paperwork came back approved. Snorgie started fidgeting and when he could stand the suspense any longer asked, well when do I get to see this invention work? Figgie broke out his flashlight his bag of fries, and they headed for the root cellar. When they got there Figgie turned off the flashlight and threw open the Builtmore Doors.Snorgie took one step and fell down and rolled all the way to the root cellar in the darkness.
Snorgwatz started laughing so hard that he just collapsed on the ground and almost needed clean linens. He was laughing so hard that he didn't notice Figgie throw the switch to the battery. The black hole suddenly lit up like outdoors at high noon. There really was a light at the end of the tunnel . The laughter immediately turned to amazement and he said to Mr. Figgleplop, James E., I don't know how you did it but you lit the root cellar with a small box of parts and a big bag of Fries.
With a look on his face like he was about to be turned down for the best job in the world, he sheepishly asked Figgie if he could buy one for the darkest, unwired parts of the main building's darker spaces?
Figgie just lowered his gaze and admitted that they hadn't gone into production yet and he couldn't sell him one.
Was there a Figgleplop and did he light the depths with fries? Yes, there was a patent was awarded to James E. Fries, who was nicknamed Figgleplop by the guys down at the shop, No one knows who started the silly name but on Oct. 27th,1981 Mr. James E. Fries was awarded a patent for his deep earth lighting device. Just lookup Patent number 4,297,000 in your copy of The Encyclopedia of Solar Inventions and see for yourself. WhoWuddaThunkIt?
